Practical Magic 2: The Curse of the Franchise
The internet is a river, and the movie is a body floating down it. I watch the numbers tick past midnight, the Rotten Tomometer settling at 35%. Review 89, 90, 91. Ninety-one strangers voting thumbs-down on a movie about a curse, via a mechanism that is itself a curse with simpler rules than the one in the film.
The 28-year gap. A person who saw the original at 22 in a theater is now 50. Someone born the weekend it premiered has a mortgage and possibly a divorce. The target demographic isn’t being sold witches. It’s being sold a receipt proving they used to be young. $14 plus fees.